The Convenience of Living in Saigon

There are so many things I love about living in Saigon that it’s hard to know where to start.  One thing everyone can certainly enjoy is convenience.

Chances are, whatever you want to buy, want to have done or want to do, you won’t have to go far for it.  Most things I need are within a 1 mile radius of where I live.  Sometimes you don’t need to go anywhere to find what you want.  Fancy a good read?  Someone will come and sell you a book.  Need a fan to beat the heat?  Coming right up.  Want a hair tie to put your hair up?   The trinket seller is almost here.

Here’s a list of things that I’ve bought either while grabbing a bite to eat at a street kitchen, or walking home/back to work…..after eating at a street kitchen.

• Hair clips
• Scissors
• A Yo-Yo
• A book
• A newspaper
• Alphabet puzzle pieces
• A bracelet

My most memorable experience happened when I was sitting down eating a bowl of pho.  Pho is a quintessential Vietnamese dish that is made of a tasty broth with chicken or beef, green onion, lime, chili, basil, sawgrass (I didn’t know the English name before I looked it up) and hoisin sauce.

While I was eating this pho, I noticed a man going around with a shoe polishing/fixing/cleaning kit.  I was puzzled when he came over to me and pointed to my shoe.  My shoes couldn’t be shined so I was at a loss.  He gestured towards the sole that was literally falling off, which I had momentarily forgotten about.  The funny thing is that I had been wondering where to get my shoes repaired.  These are my favorite pair of shoes and I was going to wear them until I could no longer walk in them.

Lucky for me, the shoe repair man not only repaired both soles, but also cleaned them, for $4.  When all was said and done, I had a nice meal with tea and a shoe repair/cleaning for under $6.  I love this place.

The Strange, the Funny, the Awesome

I’ve seen some hilarious, odd, mind boggling and awesome things in Vietnam and luckily I managed to capture some of them with my camera.  Enjoy!

I was walking around town the other day when I saw this bizarre window display.  Notice the crocodiles in the happy dance pose.

 

 

While lounging on the beach at Mui Ne, this lovely seller and slicer of fruits provided me with a tasty snack.

Do not mess with the fruit vendors on the beach, or anywhere in Vietnam for that matter.  They work with these knives all day and handle them with great precision and ease.  I always make sure to be extra nice and put on a big smile when buying fruit.

 

Cigarette and incense offering in a teeny tiny temple.

 

 

 

I can see how Marilyn Monroe would have been for teeth whitening, but Che Guevera?

 

 

 

Pig’s intestines are enough to put me off but throw in the colon and I’m definitely not trying it!

My Trusty Alarm Clock

Every morning either woken up or kept awake by this rooster, that’s always hanging out in this overturned basket.  I have no idea whose rooster it is, or why it’s kept in this basket every morning.  During the day, the rooster is free to crow and frolic around the neighborhood (or alleyhood as I like to call it) to it’s heart’s content.

I usually find this quite annoying, though I must admit that I’m getting used to it.  On the plus side, I’ve developed a real appreciation for quiet mornings.  About a week ago, I woke up to the sound of silence and was filled with glee.  The rooster was MIA and the construction workers had the day off.  I just laid in my bed thinking, yeah…this is the life.

The Transfer Fiasco

Today marked the most frustrating day thus far that I’ve had in Vietnam.  I was all fired up and ready to finally transfer some money to the US so I could make a student loan and credit card payment.  I would have done it last week but I was pretty busy with work and enjoying a nice beach vacation in Mui Ne.  I got the address for the closest Western Union and rode my bike over.  I was greeted by a friendly woman who asked if I spoke French and luckily, I do.  I can understand a lot more than I can say but we both managed to get on with everything in French.  I was actually kind of excited asI had been looking forward to the opportunity to use some French here and there in Vietnam but hadn’t had much luck.  The woman directed me to another Western Union about a mile and a half away.  Not knowing where it was, I rode back home and asked Trusty Motorbike Driver, Thuon, if he knew the address written on the piece of paper I had stuffed in my purse.  Of course, he did. 

I walked into the second Western Union and was asked why I wanted to transfer money; was it for family, personal, etc?  Of course, what I wanted to say was, “None of your damn business why I want to transfer money.”  But I ended up saying that I wanted to transfer my own money to the US, that would then be put in my bank account.  She seemed to think this was odd but directed me onwards to the first floor.   I ran outside to withdraw more money from the ATM before re-entering.  Just as I was about to enter the second set of doors to go upstairs I was stopped by a lady who wanted to know why I was there, if I had an appointment and other questions that I was too frustrated to answer so I just gestured towards the woman at the front desk who I spoke to earlier.  She came over to explain, but it didn’t help. 

Blockade Woman asked me why I was transfering money and informed me that there were only 2 reasons that were acceptable to transfer money.  I was further informed that I couldn’t transfer money from there anyway, unless I had been here for one year and had documents from my place of employment in Vietnam and also some kind of statement to prove that I actually had loans to pay off.  By this point, I’m pretty sure I had fumes coming out of my ears. What?!  I’m not allowed to transfer money all all?  You need ‘proof’ of my reason?  You’re asking me questions that frankly I don’t think are any of your  business?  I’m pretty level headed and it usually takes a lot to annoy me, but by this point, I was ready to explode.  The situation was just annoying.  How on earth was I ever going to make any payment if I couldn’t get $ out of the country.  My last ditch effort was to explain that I had done Western Union money transfers in Europe and the Middle East and it worked fine.  “Yes,” she replied, “but in Vietnam it’s not the same, very difficult.” 

Blockade Woman did mention however that there was another Western Union that she heard transferred money.  I asked if she could please call and ask for me, since I don’t speak Vietnamese and I didn’t want to be running around all day.  “I’m sorry, I can’t call,” responded Blockade Woman, “I just heard this from someone and I can’t call.”  I asked if she could please give me the phone number of the other location.  You would think that she could easily access the phone number of another branch for heavens sake, but no, she couldn’t do that either.   I walked out pretty happy that I didn’t punch anyone. 

Next stop: trusty motorbike driver and I went to Vietcom Bank, my bank here in Vietnam, to see if I could do a bank transfer.  If they had said no, I’m pretty sure I would have crumbled into a heap of tears right then and there. 

First I had to transfer the money that I withdrew at the ATM, back into my account.  I was asked if I had a receipt from the withdrawl.  Giving the woman a completely bewildered look, I handed her a receipt.  Which, oddly enough, I only received on accident because I unintentionally pressed the receipt button.  She then explained that I can’t deposit any money into my own account, unless I have a receipt proving that I withdrew the money from my account.  WTF?  Really?  “Yes,” she informed me, it’s a direct deposit account, so you can only withdraw the money that you get from your salary, and you can’t deposit any other money into the account.”  I don’t have any kind of banking insight or expertise, but that just sounds dumb. 

Just when I was relieved that the whole process was almost complete, she asked me if I changed my passport.  To simplify things I told her that I did.  Really, my other valid passport was not with me. I carried my two year temporary but equally valid passport for the sole purpose of travelling inside Israel/Palestine passport.  This woman was confused.  “Oh, so you have another passport of another nationality?”  “No.”  “But I think, one country, one passport?”  “Well, normally yes, but I was living in Jordan and needed a second passport to go to Ramallah, and be able to travel to other Middle Eastern countries afterwards.”  “Both passport are equally valid.”  This was all complicated by the fact that my Vietnamese visa was in my other passport. 

 I’m pretty sure I confused the heck out of her, but in the end, she said my bank transfer would go through.  Thank goodness.  I can not even imagine how frustrating it must be to do international business here.  I’m glad I’m an English teacher.

Figure Out THIS Spa Menu

This spa menu easily takes the cake as having the oddest list of services I have ever seen.  Sure, some spa menus have pretty funny translations, but some of these, strange translations or not, just sound bizarre!

• Skin replacement & reduction of freckles and age spots
• Neck fat reduction and thinning
• Electro-static whitening bath program
• Breast firming & enhancement program
• Slim crack reduction with Dermaheal technology
• Nipple pinking program
•  Heel pinking program
• Care of the closed    
• Dark secret area care
• Skin care fresh approach taken by vitamin C to the skin/Stem Cell/Salmon Eggs
• Breast massage

And those are just the odd services.  I didn’t even bother with the funny translations this time.    Care of the closed…..what IS that?!

You Know You’ve Been Living in Southeast Asia When….

1. Using chopsticks starts to feel more natural than using a fork.  Seriously.  

2. You no longer flinch when you spot at least one lizard on the wall of almost every restaurant you go to.  You contemplate the idea of rats and cockroaches not bothering you anymore.  To an extent. 

3. You buy one of those cloth-surgical-face-mask-thingies because you now consider it normal.  You even have several different colors and patterns to match your outfit of the day to accessorize and be more fashion forward. 

4. You don’t give the deathgrip to the back of a motorbike with both hands. 

5. The reflex to inhale sharply and say a prayer before crossing the street has magically disappeared. 

6. You have seen more American music videos than you ever did back home because the music channel, V, actually plays music videos the majority of the time.

7.  Weekly massages have worked their way into your weekly routine.

8. Your favorite ‘restaurant’ is actually a street kitchen where you sit contently with your delicious, cheap eats on a pint size plastic chair in an alley or on a sidewalk. 

9. You think it would actually be cool to have Dengue Fever, because it sounds badass and would make a funny blog entry.  You are dismayed to find out you only have a run of the mill virus. 

10.  Public napping starts to look very appealing and you start to stake out a comfy looking spot if you are far from home. 

11.  Eating apples takes on a whole new appeal as you now view them as one of the ‘exotic fruits’.

12. You really do wonder why cafe’s back home never picked up on the idea of using lawn chairs.  Doggonit, those things are comfy!

Special Post For International Women’s Day

It’s International Women’s Day!  Not only that, but this is the 100th year it’s been celebrated.

On this day, I thought it would be appropriate to blog about a (mostly) women’s issue.  The idea to write about this came yesterday while reading an article on Lara Logan’s assault in Cairo, Egypt, and people’s backwards, disgusting responses.  Sadly, this ignorant victim-blaming reaction is not something new.  It just happens to have made the headlines.

Lara Logan was reporting in Egypt in February when she was sexually assaulted and beaten by a mob of men, before being rescued by Egyptian women and a group of soldiers.  As with all sexual assaults, the blame game ensued, with many pointing their fingers at Lara.  Blogger Debbie Schlussel wrote: “So sad, too bad, Lara. No one told her to go there. She knew the risks. And she should have known what Islam is all about. Now she knows.”  Here, there is no sympathy given because the woman ‘should have known what she was getting in to’.  She should have known the risks.  Instead of sympathy and a kind ear, she gets blame.  

 Nir Rosen, a former fellow at NYU (he just resigned), tweeted the following: “Jesus Christ, at a moment when she is going to become a martyr and glorified, we should at least remember her role as a major war monger,” and following it up with a dismissive: “Look, she was probably groped like thousands of other women.”  Thousands of women are also killed every year, and in most cases, they are killed by their partner, husband or boyfriend.  Would this guy have the same attitude about a woman being killed?  Would he say, “So what, it’s happened to thousands of other women?”  Maybe he (and others) think that it happens to so many women (and it does) and because of this, ceases to have a severely damaging and violating effect on the women (and men) it happens to.  

Pictures even began to circulate of Lara in low-cut evening attire, insinuating of course, that she was kind of asking for it, and women who dress like this are A) more likely to get assaulted and B) because they should know this, kind of brought it on themselves and therefore are stupid and should be to blame.     

What a lot of people don’t seem to understand is that nobody ever ‘asks’ for sexual assault.  The very idea is an oxmoron.

The grim reality is that most women (the ones who face blame, denial and rejection and speak out about it anyway) receive some amount of blame in cases of sexual assault.  They are blamed for drinking too much, dressing to provocatively, looking too beautiful, being too trusting, dancing too sexily, being in the wrong place, the list goes on and on.  What you don’t hear a lot of, is people going on about how disgusting the men are who commited the assault.  (I say men, because the vast majority of sexual assaults are commmited by men, though I am by no means ‘anti-male’.  Some of my best friends are male)  

Here are some facts:

study after study shows that men sexually assault women of all ages and appearances.                                                                                                                                

Victims of sexual assault are:⁷

3 times more likely to suffer from depression.

6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.

13 times more likely to abuse alcohol.

26 times more likely to abuse drugs.

4 times more likely to contemplate suicide.

73% of sexual assaults were perpetrated by a non-stranger.¹
15 of 16 rapists walk free. 

The FBI reports that less than 2% of rape cases involve false claims against the rapist.  The number of false claims is less than almost any other crime. 

Let’s be clear that people’s actions, be it drinking, how they dance, how they dress, if they flirted, does not give someone permission to have sex with them.  It is in cases like this that we hear things like “if she didn’t want to have sex, why was she kissing him?” Of course, the answer is, because maybe she wanted to kiss him.  Anytime we hear a story that ends with “what did she expect to happen?” we need to remind ourselves that forced sex is never justified, and that “what she expected” certainly wasn’t rape.  There is no degree of being led on, of being turned on, of being flirted with that makes it OK to force sex on another person.  Thinking that it is means holding on to rape supportive beliefs. 

For more stats and information visit: http://www.rainn.org/statistics and http://www.uww.edu/sasa/misconceptions.htm                                                      To read the article on Lara Logan, go to: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/judith-timson/we-ask-the-wrong-questions-when-a-female-journalist-is-assaulted/article1911812/

The vast majority of assaults go unreported, largely because the women and men are afraid they won’t be believed.  Or are afraid they will receive blame.   Because of society’s victim blaming tendencies, most people who commit a sexual assault (even the ones brought to trial) walk free.  The negative impact that blame has on the sexual assault survivor is, in many cases, worse than the negative emotional impact of the assault itself.  You might be wondering how I know this. 

I know this because someone I know very well has been there.  She didn’t tell anyone for a long time because she was afraid of people’s reactions.  Then she spoke.   And she received that blame.  And she heard the voice of disbelief and denial.  The period that ensued was to bring the greatest turmoil, depression, questioning and sadness that she had ever experienced.  Thank goodness she had great friends and family who listened without judgement and just let her know they were there for her.  They got her through that period. 

Hopefully after reading this, you too can be that friend to someone in need.  You might be surprised at how much it will mean.

Celebrity Spotting in Saigon

If I had to choose a ‘most random thing of the month’, it would be what happened last night.  Some friends and I had just sat down in the bar at the Sheraton hotel when Neena said, ‘That’s Michael Jackson’s father!’.  I turned around and saw Joe Jackson, with a small audience and a cameraman.  My knowledge of all things pop culture has improved a lot over the year, but I still would not have known who it was if I hadn’t been told.  In fact, I thought Neena said the guy was Michael Jackson’s brother and I commented that he looked a bit old.    Oh, his father…..that explains it! 

Wondering what the heck he was doing in Vietnam, I did what most other people would do.  I googled it.  Turns out, he’s in Vietnam for business.  Specifically, for Happyland business; an amusement park that’s set to open in April 2014.  It will have a themed park, resorts, hotels, high-class villas and simulated cities.  You can read the article here: http://en.baomoi.com/Info/Michael-Jacksons-dad-in-Vietnam-on-2-bln-deal/11/110241.epi

English Translations are Fun!

Expats and tourists in Saigon are handed an array of flyers when walking around the more touristy area in Pham Ngu Lao.  More often than not, it’s a flyer for a salon & spa with a list of all their services and astoundingly cheap prices.  I, of course, was all too easily lured in to multiple salons for great massages, manicures and pedicures at a fraction of the price I’d pay at home.  To put it more bluntly, I could not afford any of these at home and am relishing being able to get a massage once a week.  Now I’m straying from the main point of the blog entry; translations.

I’ve always been a fan of odd translations.  In Jordan, I once saw the spelling of macchiato butchered so badly that it took me a good 30 seconds to figure it out.   Here are some of the amusing translations I came across today on various flyers:

Coloring Man   Full on body paint for men only $8 or 160,000 Dong! For that special occasion.   

Coloring Woman   Coloring woman is $2 more than coloring man.  Since I have short hair, I will request the coloring man price. 

Hair Steaming   It’s already humid here in Saigon, the last thing we ladies need is more humidity to frizz and poof out our hair.

Cerumen  I actually have no clue what this is meant to be.  For $2, I’ll go get one and get back to you on that.

Warm Stone   Apparently the stones they use are several degrees cooler than the traditional hot stone.  For those sensitive to heat.

Massage Collagen  Is the massage supposed to be good for collagen or is collagen rubbed all over someone’s face?

Standard Relax   $8 for an hour, I’ll take it!

Asia Healthy Foot   What is this?  Is there a North American Healthy foot I can capitalize on here?

Facial Massage and Mask with Fruit   Is there a small platter of fruit to eat or is it rubbed one one’s face?

Scraping  They mean using a pumice stone to soften feet.  A change of verb is in order here.

Gold Nano Facial   Does this involve a small iPod and edible gold?

Waist Slimming and Hot Wrap  This was listed under the waxing services. 

Cookie Bender  I saw this on a fruit juice & smoothie stand.  Maybe it’s an Oreo McFlurry-like concoction and they forgot the letter L?  Or could it be a special cookie that helps cure hangovers after a wild bender?

Durian: the Blue Cheese of Southeast Asia

Durian, the infamous foul-smelling yet sweet tasting fruit of Southeast Asia.  You either love it or you hate it.  Most Westerners I’ve talked to hate it and the locals I’ve asked seem to like it.  Andrew Zimmern, of the Travel Channel’s show Bizarre Foods, says it’s the only thing he can’t eat.  The fruit is actually banned in some places, such as Singapore’s mass transit, where the above photo is from.   

There are other infamous smelly foods around the world such as hakari, putrified shark meat, a delicacy in Iceland, and stinky tofu, popular in China, Taiwan and Hong Kong.  I’m not so sure I could bring myself to try rotting shark flesh and I just might be able to try fermented tofu.  When it comes to fruit, bring it on!

 The following are descriptions of the durian fruit I’ve read.  It smells like hell and tastes like heaven. The smell is a combination of rotten onions, gym socks and turpentine.  Its smell is comparable to sewage, skunk spray and used medical swabs.  Ugh!  I’d have to have another good whiff of it to give it my own colorful description, which I’m not in any great hurry to do. 

The other day I stopped by my favorite smoothie spot and asked if I could try the durian.  I could have ordered the smoothie but I wanted to experience the raw taste.  The man got the container of durian out of the fridge and pulled the lid off.  I told myself beforehand that I wouldn’t smell it up close, but curiosity go the best of me and I took a big inhale.  My nose scrunched up as I staggered backwards and the man had a good laugh.  As he handed me the fork with a bit of durian on it, I plugged my nose and tried it.  To my slight surprise, it was actually pretty good.  The texture is a cross between avocado and custard and the taste is… pretty darn good though difficult to describe. 

I compare it to blue cheese as both foods have a pungent smell, are widely adored by locals and abhorred by outsiders.  If you ever get the chance to try durian, go for it!  However if you don’t like things such as blue cheese because of the smell, you might want to steer clear of it.  I would bring some home for friends and family to try, but I’m pretty sure durian is on the No-Fly List.